Hey, superstition-having weirdos, it’s Friday the 13th soon, so you’ll probably fall over and cut your knee and get dumped by your girlfriend or something. If you don’t believe in that shit, then it’ll probably just be another normal day for you (you must have been dumped loads).
Still, Friday the 13th certainly hasn’t been a bad omen for a certain movie franchise, because it’s been making fuck-loads of money for years. So to celebrate the Friday The 13th franchise (you’d guessed correctly, right?), we thought we’d give you a drinking game for every Friday the 13 ever created, courtesy of everyone’s favorite hockey mask-wearing psychopath, Jason Voorhees.
Watch them in the theater:
THE ALAMO, BK
General Rules below (can be used for ANY Friday The 13th film)
Scroll down for movie specific "rules" with links for every single bloody film!
- someone dies
- you hear the ki ki ki ma ma ma sound
- the killer jumps out unexpectedly
- someone gets naked
- someone finds a body
- someone says "Jason"
- someone smokes (pot or cigarettes)
- someone drinks booze
- a curse is mentioned
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Kevin Bacon gets neck-merked
Obviously we’ve gotta start with the original, and already we’re contradicting what we said in the intro, because this death isn’t courtesy of Jason Voorhees, but of his mother instead. Poor old Kevin Bacon (of EE adverts fame) is chilling out, maxing, relaxing and touching his dick (probably), when suddenly a BIG FUCKING POKER comes through the bottom of the bed and out through his neck. Unlucky.
- you see Muffin
- someone says the name "Paul"
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Kills the handicap guy. Nobody is off limits for Jason, what a twat.
Jason Voorhees doesn’t discriminate. He’s no PC-mad prude, he’ll go for anybody that comes near his stupid summer camp. As can be demonstrated by the above clip. Also, this being the second instalment, he still hasn’t got his famous hockey mask on yet – a lot of people think he had that from the beginning. Nope, in this one he’s got a fucking potato sack over his head – WOW, SCARY.
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Sexy time is sharply interrupted
Having sex is fun isn’t it? Everyone likes it! YAAY SEX!! Oh no! You’ve just had a spear stuck through both of you during the shagging! It’s ruined! BOOO SEX!!
Interesting fact: This death was completely nicked from from A Bay Of Blood, a 1971 flick that lots of people say was a major prototype for the slasher film as we know it today. It’s the second death in the clip below:
- Shelly plays a prank
- there is a bad 3D shot
- Andy and Debbie reference sex
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Someone gets dashed in half whilst showing off
“Weeeee, look at me girls!! Look how cool and funny and talented I am!! I can walk on my hands and everything!!” is possibly what an idiot might say (we may have said this before), but any further words are to be cut violently short (literally) if Jason Voorhees is about. As you can see in Friday The 13th Part 3…
- "dead fuck" is said
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Marty McFly’s Dad gets screwed
TAKE A MASSIVE FUCK OFF GULP WHEN: Marty McFly's dad dances like a moron.
Crispin Glover’s a funny chap isn’t he? He’s done some funny chat show appearances and been in some funny films. Well, he’s got a funny death scene in the fourth Friday The 13th film hasn’t he? He also does a very funny dance in that very film. Here you go! Funny isn’t it? What a funny chap.
- A joke is cracked
- Tommy hallucinates
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Dying in your sleep
Who doesn’t love a lovely, cosy warm sleeping bag? Well the lady in the above clip probably doesn’t anymore. She probably hates them. Well, she would if she could. There’s an uncut version of this scene which goes on for much longer and is completely ridiculous, but for sheer efficiency, this version does the business.
- Tina has a vision/hallucination
- Tina uses her powers
- Melissa says something bitchy
- Dr. Crews lies
- Tina Cries
- you see Jason's spine
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: “Hi who is it at the door? Oh hi Jaso– FUCK”
This is one of the most brutal deaths in the whole film, but there’s something about it that’s really, well, funny? Maybe it’s the ‘bit shit’ dummy that gets thrown across the room. Actually, it’s definitely that.
Jason goes to Manhattan, drink until you black out so you don't need to watch it.
This is one of the shittest installments in the franchise – letting Jason loose in New York is such a great idea, but it doesn’t fucking happen until the last 15 minutes. Still, at least once he gets there he has the chance to provide us with one of the top deaths of the franchise. Even if it MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.
For real drink whenever:
- Julius lands a punch
- the deckhand appears
- Rennie has a vision/hallucination of Jason
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: The dude gets his head knocked off. I’ll knock his fucking block off.
- when Jason switches bodies
- when the creature inside Jason makes an appearance
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: People get killed while boning. GROSS. That’s the danger of having pre-marital sex right there.
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: The deep freeze scene happens.
This is the best death in the whole fucking franchise. It makes it even better that he’s doing it IN SPACE. Everything is better in space. Even being in space – that’s better in space. Being in space in space is better than being in space not in space.
- when Jason steals a kill from Freddy
- when Freddy calls Jason a name
CHUG A FULL BEER WHEN: Someone gets killed whilst drinking a beer themselves!
There’s just so much to this one. There’s no need for the bed folding at the end – trust Jason to pointlessly add insult to literal injury just for our amusement. Cheers Jase.
So there we have it! The 13 best Friday The 13th Franchise drinking game ever created, notice we didn’t include any from the remake – that’s because it was A BORING THING. Stick with the ‘originals’ and watch one of them tonight to celebrate. Happy Friday the 13th you unlucky WASTES!
We want to terrify you!