Celebrate your Easter Sunday by drinking yourself stupid. Just follow these simple rules:

Take a drink any time the following happens:

  • Jackie Chan incapacitates someone using his surroundings (double-gulp if he does it without hitting them).
    This rule also applies to any other film featuring Jackie Chan.
  • Any reference is made to Sherlock Holmes or Arthur Conan Doyle.
  • You hear an obviously artificial sound effect.
  • A real character from history is mentioned or appears on-screen.
  • Owen Wilson doesn’t really seem to be helping at all.
  • Anything happens that reminds you of another film.

Take a massive fuck-off gulp when:

  • Jackie Chan is seen fighting in anything that revolves.
  • Owen Wilson misinterprets a British word or phrase.
  • You see a British flag.
  • Subtitles are displayed on-screen.

Take a huge glug for the following lines:

  • “I call that my kung pow chicken.”
  • “We have parents who love us. You don’t, ’cause you’re an orphan!”
  • “You decadent Philistine!”
  • “You know what I call him? Not Roy O’Bannon. Roy O’Boloney!”
  • “Hold it right there, Rathboner!”

Drain it when:

  • Jackie Chan does his not-entirely-convincing-and-just-a-little-bit-racist impersonation of an Indian Maharaja.
  • Some random joins in with the prostitute pillow fight.
  • A firework defies the laws of physics.

We want to terrify you!