So, Uh, There’s Now An App That Tracks Your Boners

So, Uh, There’s Now An App That Tracks Your Boners

Sometimes I feel that us millennials get shit on way too much. We’re doing our best in a pretty fucked world that our parents set up for us, surely most of the older generation’s qualms with us are purely exaggerated and we’re not THAT bad.

And then I wake up to see that someone took the time, effort and finances needed to create an app which sole purpose is to track your erections, and I realise that we really are passed the point of no return.

Morning Glory is the brainchild of new high-tech super cool ‘millennial-friendly’ health startup Roman, a company that allows men to get diagnosed for erectile dysfunction via a quick online consultation, and discretely receive a prescription.



When you open the app, you’ll be greeted by a very simple question. “Do you get morning wood?” Depending on your answer, you’ll be greeted by a corresponding gif, because that’s EXACTLY what my morning erections need.

From there, you’ll log your erections daily in an erection calendar and unlock some super fun interesting facts to impress ya friends. for example, did you know that morning wood has little to do with needing to piss?

Here’s the kicker guys, if you can go three mornings in a row with a hard on then you get a boner streak and confetti party!! Woo!?



The app isn’t all confetti and boner streaks, morning erections are supposedly a very telling sign of a man’s general health, so if you don’t pop up in the morning for a few days, the app will kindly suggest you go see a physician.

So there ya go, get logging champions.

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