Burger King's 15 Cent Nuggets. Salvation or Armageddon?


image host Eating suspiciously cheap food is one of my favorite past times. There’s nothing quite like waking up in a soiled nest of burrito wrappers or nugget dust with only a mild stomach ache to show for it. Engaging in a complete war of attrition with dubious late night food is nothing short of heroic. When you emerge unscathed, you feel like a god. For the times you experience the literal bitter taste of defeat, you gaze upon your adversary with esteem and admiration.

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It was you that tempted bad meat fate and though you fought honorably, you can’t win them all as they say. If only Sun Tzu had also written a book on traversing bargain bin food. At what point does food surpass being risky and cross the threshold into downright reckless? Probably when a crop of nuggets breaches $1.50. Burger King’s new deal equates to a measly 15 cents for each little stuffed chicken sack and I couldn’t be more wary.

At 15 cents a pop this whole thing is ripe with the stench of a fire sale. I’m not sure I want to be anywhere near an “all nuggets must go” blow out. I love a good deal as much as the next guy, but I’d rather splurge another 10 cents to make sure I don’t chip a tooth on a tendon. Or get the dreaded all dark meat nugget. It really makes you wonder what the hell happened to make these things this cheap.

Did they discover a harvesting method for an ancient species of chickens that have been living underground? Maybe the chickens have gotten so hulked out and roided up that Burger King can scavenge 10 nuggets from a single foot on one of those things. Or maybe the chickenoid theory was finally realized, and there is now a type of chicken born and raised without bones, like the candy Peeps. Either way that type of angry meat never sits well, it’ll hold an unstoppable grudge until its borrowed time is up in your stomach.

Best case scenario: you drown them in enough sweet and sour dipping sauce to render them an amorphous blob that slides down your gullet like an old man into a warm bath. It’s possible the sweet and sour would provide a protective coating that would assist your stomach in the war that’s about to be waged. This is all pure speculation but the thought of a 15 cent nugget has me thinking either salvation or Armageddon.