Happy Fireworks Night, everyone. Remember the important safety rules. Yeah, I’m gonna use bullet points, because I’m a motherfucking G:
- Putting fireworks out with your eyes doesn’t always work, so you should have a friend’s eyes handy as well.
- If a firework goes out, you can’t re-light it unless you have a bucket on your head.
- Saying “Hey guys” at a bunch of burning dolls on a fire is severely unfunny.
- So is throwing cutlery on the bonfire and shouting “Guy forks”.
- Drawing dicks in the air using a sparkler is compulsory. When your sparkler dies down, drop it in a stranger’s cider.
- If anyone keeps complaining that it’s too cold, putting them in the fire is absolutely acceptable.
Have a good one, you flaming bastards. More 4th of July goodness after the jump!