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SEX TIPS FOR MEN: HOW TO TOUCH A VAGINA

I’m assuming that lots of guys read this site, so I’ve decided to put my vagina powers to good use, and teach you how to touch a pussy. Because you’re doing it wrong.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that most of the guys I sleep with are like 22-year-old skaters who can barely get a job, let alone get a girl off. But I’m not so willing to give up on them because they’re hot, and they usually have that V-shaped thing right below their abdomens that points to their peens. Every girl likes that. Except for girls that like fatties.
WRONG:

  • Don’t look under the hood: It seems as though the dudes I do fuck who know their way around a vulva will try to impress me with their knowledge of the existence of clit hoods, so they’ll make a bee line for it, lift it up and start rubbing.
  • Initial tapping on the clit really hard, like you’re knocking on a door or something.
  • Over stimulation: What most guys don’t get is that most girls don’t even finger themselves when they masturbate. (And if they do that in front of you, it’s just for show.) For instance, I don’t know a single girl who plays with herself using a dildo. They use vibrators, and don’t bother much with penetration. Because clits have like a bajillion nerve endings, too much direct stimulation is a bad thing—like looking directly at the sun. For instance, I don’t even take my panties off when I use my Magic Wand.

RIGHT:

  • Pretend the clit is a dick: I know it sounds unappealing to hetero dudes, but clits really are just tiny dicks that shrunk down in utero once the sex got worked out.
  • Jerk it: This actually goes along with the whole “clit is a dick” thing. Swirly rubbing isn’t really the trick at all. You want to grab the whole pussy, by the labia—like Nina Hartley is doing to Sunny Lane in that image up there—and move it like you would your own dick when your jerking off.

Here, watch this. She says it all.


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