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WHAT CAN A FAT GIRL DO TO KEEP A THIN MAN INTERESTED?

Chubby girls give the best head. When a man sees a woman with a big ass and a few extra pounds of fat packed around her gut, he knows that she could suck tennis balls through a tennis racket. Check out Street Carnage’s guide for how fat chicks can keep a thin man interested after the jump.

He knows more than likely she can suck a Basset Hound through a garden hose. Fat girls are great at giving head because that’s all men have ever wanted from them. It’s shallow, but it’s true. Most men hold no interest in having sex with an overweight woman, so instead he lets them suck his dick. A man will gladly let a chunky girl blow him because how fat a woman is when it comes to blowjobs doesn’t matter. Roseanne Barr can give head just as well as Miranda Kerr, if not better, because Roseanne Barr has probably put in more hours doing it. Thin girls give head for what—five or six minutes before the dude can no longer take it and has to stick his dick inside her? Chubby girls put in way more time. They suck the dick all the way up to orgasm because he’s trying to reach that orgasm as quickly as possible. No one’s trying to prolong the show with fat girls.

Men are fucking assholes. We don’t want to fuck a fat girl because it’s too complicated when it comes to positions and all that extra weight makes our dicks seem small. Why do you think so many black dudes are seen boning chubby chicks in porno movies? These guys don’t care because their dicks are huge and plow right through the extra spacing.

So what can a fat girl do to keep a thin man interested? She needs to be nastier than any other woman around her. She must be the one to fulfill his every filthy fantasy. She has to suck his dick constantly, always lick his balls, and toss his salad like its Jason’s Deli. Chubby chicks have to do everything a thin girl would never dream of doing. Men are fucking pigs—never forget that. For a man to be truly happy, he must have his cock sucked every day. It’s true. It’s also how fat girls can gain the upper hand. No matter if a woman is ugly, pretty, chunky, paper-thin, intelligent, stupid, blonde, or brunette, if she blows her man every day, that dude will NEVER leave her.

And here’s the kicker: Slammin’-hot chicks have never had to do this because cute girls get by solely on being hot. They don’t need to give head every day, which is why most attractive women suck at sucking cock. An overweight woman can keep her man calling every day by giving him amazing blowjobs. These are the type of girls that men dream of marrying—the ones that LOVE to suck our cocks!

Men enjoy nothing more than having their dicks sucked. I know this because I’m a man and can’t think of anything more enlightening than when a woman sucks my cock. Blowjobs are more visually stimulating and feel different because the tongue is involved. A woman’s tongue can do things her vagina can’t. A woman’s tongue can massage his testicles or lick his taint and ass. The point is that men love nothing more than blowjobs, and by taking advantage of this a woman can forever keep her man.

But here’s the catch: All this talk of “Even the worst blowjob still feels pretty good” is bullshit. Shitty blowjobs are just that—shitty. We’re not truly enjoying it, we’re just getting by on crumbs and more than anything else we’re frustrated. Girls are either teething it too much, not jacking us off enough while sucking, or basically frozen in stone with our cocks stuck in their mouths.

Or maybe they refuse to do it all and then wonder why we cheat on them. I understand if the girl is simply inexperienced, but come on, if a woman is over the age of twenty-two and doesn’t know how to properly give head, then something is wrong with her mentally. She’s either a very selfish lover and doesn’t give a fuck, or she’s a prude.

Basically what I’m saying is: Dump her. Grown men need their dicks sucked proper, which is why you will never once hear a grown man claim, “Even the worst blowjob is still pretty good.” If a grown woman can’t suck a dick right, she’s garbage in his eyes. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Said man will go elsewhere to get the blowjobs every man so desperately needs to get by in life. Men NEED to have their dicks sucked. It’s a NEED—we fuckin’ need it! It’s no different than how every woman NEEDS to run her mouth nonstop for three hours straight the second her man walks in the room. Men put up with it because they understand it’s a release. Men put up with it because they know at the end of it there’s a chance we might get our dicks sucked!

What I’m saying is this: Even the worst blowjob still feels like the worst blowjob. Girls are fooling anyone and these poor men are barely getting by. They’re not happy and will go snooping elsewhere. We need up-and-down movement and a lot of it. We need our balls licked and we need some fucking enthusiasm when it happens! Look, if you’re not willing to give a blowjob 100%, don’t even bother because it’s only going to prove we need out of this relationship. I’m serious—if a woman licks balls like she’s licking the inside guts of roadkill, he should leave her immediately. Men need women to attack our crotches with their tongues as if our cocks might squirt liquid gold all over their faces. Pretend it’s ice cream. Pretend it’s chocolate. Pretend he’s about to propose marriage and sweep you off your feet, that’s all I’m saying. Get excited about that shit because he will LOVE YOU for it!

Cordially robbed from:

—JESSE ANDREW

Street Carnage.com

 


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